很多時候，一些突如其來的天災人禍，經常會使我們難以承受。然而，在困難后在遇到的風景總是比之前更讓人感動。莫尼卡.萊溫斯基，一個曾備受矚目的女人，受盡了輿論和歲月的洗禮。如今的她已經變得更加自信從容，并站在公眾面前呼吁正能量。接下來就和小編一起看看萊溫斯基在ted的演講稿吧,讓我們看看當事人是如何說的。

原文:

站在你們面前的這個女性曾在公眾面前沉默了十年。顯然,現在不一樣了,不過這只是最近的事。幾個月前在福布斯”30位30歲以下創業者”峰會上,我首次公開發表演講,峰會上有1500位杰出人士,全部不到30歲。這就意味著在1998年,其中最年長的人也只有14歲,最年輕的則只有4歲。我同他們開玩笑,有些人似乎只是從說唱音樂中聽過我的名字。沒錯,說唱音樂唱過我,幾乎有40首這樣的說唱音樂。

在我演講當晚 意外的事情發生了,作為一個41歲的女性,竟然有一個27歲的小伙子勾搭我。我知道,難以相信吧?他很有魅力,說了不少奉承的話,結果我拒絕了。知道他的搭訕不成功在哪嗎?他說他能讓我感到又回到了22歲……那天晚上我意識到,40歲時不想回到22歲的人或許就只有我了。22歲時,我愛上了我的老板,在24歲那年,我明白了其毀滅性的后果。

能否請大家舉手告訴我,如果你覺得自己22歲時沒有犯過錯,沒有做過讓自己后悔的事,請舉手?同我想的一樣,和我一樣,22歲那年,你們中的一些人大概也犯過錯,愛上過錯誤的人,或許也正是你的老板。不過和我不同,你的老板八成不是美國總統。當然,生活充滿了意外。每一天我都被提醒這個錯誤,我每天都在深深后悔。

1998年 在卷入一段不可能的愛情之后,我被卷入政治、法律和媒體的漩渦中心,一場前所未見的漩渦。記得吧,就在幾年前,新聞只有三個來源:讀報刊雜志、聽收音機和看電視,就這些了。但我的命并沒這么好,這起丑聞通過數字革命被公之于眾。數字革命意味著我們能獲取所有想要的信息,不管何時何地。丑聞在1998年1月被首次揭露就是通過互聯網。這是傳統媒體第一次在重大事件報道上被因特網搶先,一個點擊的聲音響徹了全世界。

對我個人而言,它讓我一夜間從一個完完全全的無名人士變成一個被全世界公開羞辱的對象。我成了零號病人,第一個經歷如何在全球范圍內瞬間失去個人聲譽。

這種由科技促進的草率道德審判導致我在網絡世界里被投石暴民圍攻。誠然,這是在社交媒體出現之前,不過人們還是可以在線評論,郵件轉發故事,當然,也能轉發殘忍的笑話。新聞媒體將我的照片貼得到處都是,借此銷售報紙,為網站吸引廣告商,為電視吸引眼球。

記得我那張照片嗎?戴著貝雷帽的那張?我承認,我犯了錯誤,特別是不該戴那頂貝雷帽。在關注故事之外,人們對我個人的關注和道德審判也是前所未有的,我被打上各種標簽 蕩婦、妓女、母狗、婊子、賤人,當然還有 “那個女人”。很多人都看到了我,但很少有人了解我。我明白,人們很容易忘記一個女人是多維度的,其實她也有靈魂,也曾是完好無缺的。17年前,這些發生在我身上的事還沒有專門的名詞來稱呼。現在,我們稱之為網絡欺凌和線上騷擾。

今天,我想和大家分享一些個人經歷,我要講講這些經歷如何塑造了我的文化觀察。我希望我過去的經歷,能夠引起變革,讓其他人少遭遇欺凌。1998年,我失去了聲譽和尊嚴,我幾乎失去了一切,包括生命。讓我給大家描繪一下,這是1998年9月,我坐在一間沒有窗戶的辦公室,在獨立檢察官辦公室,嗡嗡作響的熒光燈下,我聽著自己的聲音,這是一年前電話竊聽錄取的聲音,這位錄音者,我原來還當作朋友。我坐在那里是因為法律要求,我要親自鑒定全部二十小時的對話錄音。過去的八個月,這些錄音帶中的神秘內容,就像達摩克利斯之劍一樣懸在我的頭頂。想想,誰能記得自己一年前說了什么。我很害怕,很屈辱地聽著,聽我自己平日閑暇時的扯東拉西,聽我自己坦白對總統的愛意。當然,還有我的心碎。聽到那個有時狡猾、有時暴躁、有時愚蠢的我——無情、記仇、粗魯。我聽著,深深地感到羞愧,這是最糟糕的我,糟糕到我自己都不認識。

幾天后 斯塔爾報告被提交給國會,所有錄音和原文稿,所有被竊取的言語,都成了其中一部分。人們能夠讀到原文稿就已經很讓人害怕了,但這還沒完,數周后,錄音帶又被公開到電視上,還有很大一部分散播到了網上。這種公開羞辱很折磨人,生命幾乎變得不可承受。這種情況在1998年的時候發生得并不常見,”這種情況”指的是竊取人們的私下言語、行為、對話或照片將之公開于眾--沒有征得同意的公開、沒有來龍去脈的公開、沒有絲毫同情的公開。

快進12年到2010年,社交媒體出現了,像我這樣的例子開始越來越多,甚至無論當事人有沒有犯錯。而且公眾人物和普通人都深受其害,有些事件的結果非常悲慘。

2010年9月 我和我媽打了一通電話,我們談到了一則新聞,關于羅格斯大學的一個大學新生。他叫泰勒·克萊門蒂——親切、靈敏、富有創造性的泰勒被室友偷拍到和另一個男的有親密行為,視頻被傳播到網上,嘲笑和網絡欺凌之火被點燃。幾天后,泰勒從喬治·華盛頓大橋縱身躍下……生命就這樣逝去……他只有18歲。

我媽講到泰勒和他家人時非常激動,她發自內心的痛苦。我在當時還有點無法理解,不過我逐漸意識到,她在重新經歷1998年,重新經歷她每晚都坐在我的床頭的時候,重新經歷她讓我洗澡時不要關門的時候,重新經歷她和爸爸擔心我會因為羞辱而死去的時候。一點也不夸張。

現如今,很多父母都沒來得及介入挽救自己至愛的子女,很多父母在知道子女的痛苦和羞辱時都為時已晚。泰勒悲劇而無謂的死亡,對我而言是一個轉折點。它讓我重新審視了我的親身經歷,讓我開始思考周遭充滿羞辱和欺凌的世界,讓我看到了不同的東西。

在1998年 沒人知道因特網這種新生技術會將人類引往何方。自誕生以來,因特網讓人類以難以設想的方式聯系了起來,讓人們找到失散的兄弟姐妹、挽救生命,發起革命。不過同時,我所經歷的陰暗面、網絡欺凌和肆意辱罵也如雨后春筍增生。每天在網上,總有人,特別是依然稚嫩不知如何處理這些的年輕人總會被如此欺凌和羞辱,以至于感覺無法活到第二天,有些人也確實悲劇地因此而死。這一點也不虛擬。

ChildLine是致力于幫助年輕人處理各種問題的英國公益組織。去年,該組織發布了一則驚人的統計結果,2012到2013年,與網絡欺凌相關的電話和電子郵件增加了87%。一篇來自荷蘭的綜合分析首次顯示出,網絡欺凌比網下欺凌更容易導致自殺意念。去年還有一項研究讓我很震驚,或許我本不該驚訝,該研究顯示羞辱是比高興、甚至憤怒都更為強烈的情感。對他人殘忍已經不是新鮮事了,但網上,由技術促進的羞辱卻會被放大,不受遏制而且永遠可以被看到。傳統的羞辱只會局限于家庭、村莊、學校或是社區,而現在則會擴展到網絡社區。成百萬上千萬的人能匿名地用言語攻擊你,這會讓人非常痛苦,而且能夠公開看到這些攻擊的人是沒有限定范圍的。被公開羞辱對個人損害很大,因特網的傳播大幅提升了這個損害。

近二十年來,我們逐漸在文化的土壤中,播下了羞辱和公開侮辱的種子。無論是網上還是網下,八卦網站、狗仔隊、真人節目、政治、新聞報道甚至黑客,這些都是羞辱的渠道。麻木不仁、無孔不入的網絡環境讓網絡煽動、隱私侵犯、網絡欺凌越來越猖獗。這種轉變創造出了尼古拉斯·米爾斯教授所說的“羞辱文化”。

來看一些顯著例子 這些還只是最近六個月發生的。“Snapchat”該服務主要是年輕人在用,宣稱其內容閱后即焚,信息只會存在幾秒,可以想象這會涉及到哪類內容。Snapchat用戶所使用的一種長久保留信息的第三方應用程序被入侵了,十萬人的個人對話、照片、視頻被泄露到網上,這些內容的壽命就這樣變成了永遠。詹妮弗·勞倫斯和其他幾位演員的iCloud帳戶被入侵,私人私密裸照被傳播到互聯網上,未經任何允許。一個八卦網站僅僅因為這一個內容,就獲得了五百萬以上的點擊量。再想想索尼影業黑客襲擊,最受關注的文檔,竟然是公開羞辱價值最大的一些私人郵件。在這種羞辱文化中,公開羞辱還被貼上了另一種價格標簽,這里衡量的并不是受害者遭受了多少損失,諸如泰勒,還有很多人的遭遇,尤其是女性、少數群體以及多元性別群體中的成員。這里的價格標簽衡量的是借此牟利者的利潤,侵入他人私人領域成了一種原料受到這些人的無情挖掘、包裝和銷售。一個市場在誕生,公開羞辱變成了其中的商品。

恥辱則變成了一種產業。如何賺錢呢?點擊。羞辱越多,點擊也就越多,點擊越多,廣告費也越多。這是一個危險的循環。我們對這些八卦點擊得越多,我們就會對故事背后的人越麻木,我們越是麻木,就越會去點擊。自始至終,都是有些人在利用他人的痛苦在牟利,每一次點擊,我們都是在作出選擇。文化中充斥的公開羞辱越多,越被接受,我們就會越多地看到網絡欺凌、網絡煽動、黑客入侵,還有線上騷擾。為什么?因為它們的核心都是羞辱,這種行為成為了我們所創造的一種文化癥狀。

改變行為從改變信念開始,無論是種族歧視還是同性戀歧視,現在和過去的很多歧視都是這樣來消除。隨著對同性婚姻觀念的改變,更多人被賦予了平等的自由。隨著對可持續性的倡導,越來越多的人開始回收利用。對于羞辱的文化也應如此,我們需要文化革命,公開羞辱這種流血的娛樂應當終止。無論是因特網上、還是文化中,現在都該干預了。

轉變可以從簡單的事開始,不過它本身并不簡單。我們需要回歸人類固有的一種價值,也就是同情心和同理心。網上正在經歷同情心缺乏和同理心危機。引用研究者布琳·布朗的話,”羞辱在同理心下無法存活”。

我生命中經歷了一些異常黑暗的日子,是來自家人、朋友、專業人士甚至一些陌生人的同情心和同理心拯救了我,哪怕只有一個人的理解也會很有用。社會心理學家謝爾蓋·莫斯科維奇所提出的小眾影響理論認為哪怕是小眾人群,只要能堅持下去,變化也能發生。在網絡世界中,我們可以通過站起來來培育小眾影響力,站起來是說不再冷漠旁觀而是發表積極評論支持受害者或是舉報欺凌現象。相信我,富有同情心的評論能夠減少消極效果,我們還可以通過支持處理這類問題的組織機構來對抗這種羞辱文化。例如:美國有泰勒·克萊門蒂基金會,英國有反欺凌項目,澳大利亞有Rockit項目。

我們經常提到表達自由的權利,此外我們還應該更多地談到我們在表達自由上的責任。我們都希望自己的聲音被聽到,不過我們需要區分懷有意圖的發聲和請求關注的發聲,因特網是表達自我的超級高速公路。不過在網上換位思考他人處境對所有人都是有利的,而且能夠幫助創建更安全更美好的世界。我們需要懷著同情心在網上交流,懷著同情心閱讀新聞,懷著同情心點擊網站。

試想下自己活在別人的新聞頭條里。

最后,我想以個人說明作結,過去九個月里我被問得最多的問題是為什么,為什么現在,為什么我要出這個頭。你們應該可以聽出這些問題的言外之意。答案同政治無關。

我的回答是:因為是時候了,是時候不再為過去而小心翼翼,是時候不再背負恥辱地活著,是時候講述自己的經歷。這不僅僅是為了拯救我自己,任何遭受恥辱和公開羞辱的人都需要知道一點——你能撐過來,我知道這很難,肯定會有痛苦,肯定不會來得輕松容易。不過你能堅持下去 并書寫出不同的故事結局。同情自己,我們都值得同情,無論線上還是線下,我們都需要生活在一個更富有同情心的世界。

謝謝聆聽!

英文原文:

You're looking at a woman who was publicly silent for a decade. Obviously, that's changed, but only recently.

It was several months ago that I gave my very first major public talk at the Forbes 30 Under 30 summit:1,500 brilliant people, all under the age of 30. That meant that in 1998, the oldest among the group were only 14, and the youngest, just four. I joked with them that some might only have heard of me from rap songs. Yes, I'm in rap songs. Almost 40 rap songs.

But the night of my speech, a surprising thing happened. At the age of 41, I was hit on by a 27-year-old guy. I know, right? He was charming and I was flattered, and I declined. You know what his unsuccessful pickup line was? He could make me feel 22 again. I realized later that night, I'm probably the only person over 40 who does not want to be 22 again.

At the age of 22, I fell in love with my boss, and at the age of 24, I learned the devastating consequences.

Can I see a show of hands of anyone here who didn't make a mistake or do something they regretted at 22? Yep. That's what I thought. So like me, at 22, a few of you may have also taken wrong turns and fallen in love with the wrong person, maybe even your boss. Unlike me, though, your boss probably wasn't the president of the United States of America. Of course, life is full of surprises.

Not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of my mistake, and I regret that mistake deeply.

In 1998, after having been swept up into an improbable romance, I was then swept up into the eye of a political, legal and media maelstrom like we had never seen before. Remember, just a few years earlier,news was consumed from just three places: reading a newspaper or magazine, listening to the radio, or watching television. That was it. But that wasn't my fate. Instead, this scandal was brought to you by the digital revolution. That meant we could access all the information we wanted, when we wanted it, anytime, anywhere, and when the story broke in January 1998, it broke online. It was the first time the traditional news was usurped by the Internet for a major news story, a click that reverberated around the world.

What that meant for me personally was that overnight I went from being a completely private figure to a publicly humiliated one worldwide. I was patient zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously.

This rush to judgment, enabled by technology, led to mobs of virtual stone-throwers. Granted, it was before social media, but people could still comment online, email stories, and, of course, email cruel jokes. News sources plastered photos of me all over to sell newspapers, banner ads online, and to keep people tuned to the TV. Do you recall a particular image of me, say, wearing a beret?

Now, I admit I made mistakes, especially wearing that beret. But the attention and judgment that I received, not the story, but that I personally received, was unprecedented. I was branded as a tramp, tart, slut, whore, bimbo, and, of course, that woman. I was seen by many but actually known by few. And I get it: it was easy to forget that that woman was dimensional, had a soul, and was once unbroken.

When this happened to me 17 years ago, there was no name for it. Now we call it cyberbullying andonline harassment. Today, I want to share some of my experience with you, talk about how that experience has helped shape my cultural observations, and how I hope my past experience can lead to a change that results in less suffering for others.

In 1998, I lost my reputation and my dignity. I lost almost everything, and I almost lost my life.

Let me paint a picture for you. It is September of 1998. I'm sitting in a windowless office room inside the Office of the Independent Counsel underneath humming fluorescent lights. I'm listening to the sound of my voice, my voice on surreptitiously taped phone calls that a supposed friend had made the year before. I'm here because I've been legally required to personally authenticate all 20 hours of taped conversation. For the past eight months, the mysterious content of these tapes has hung like the Sword of Damocles over my head. I mean, who can remember what they said a year ago? Scared and mortified, I listen, listen as I prattle on about the flotsam and jetsam of the day; listen as I confess my love for the president, and, of course, my heartbreak; listen to my sometimes catty, sometimes churlish, sometimes silly self being cruel, unforgiving, uncouth; listen, deeply, deeply ashamed, to the worst version of myself,a self I don't even recognize.

A few days later, the Starr Report is released to Congress, and all of those tapes and trans, those stolen words, form a part of it. That people can read the trans is horrific enough, but a few weeks later, the audio tapes are aired on TV, and significant portions made available online. The public humiliation was excruciating. Life was almost unbearable.

This was not something that happened with regularity back then in 1998, and by this, I mean the stealing of people's private words, actions, conversations or photos, and then making them public -- public without consent, public without context, and public without compassion.

Fast forward 12 years to 2010, and now social media has been born. The landscape has sadly become much more populated with instances like mine, whether or not someone actually make a mistake, and now it's for both public and private people. The consequences for some have become dire, very dire.

I was on the phone with my mom in September of 2010, and we were talking about the news of a young college freshman from Rutgers University named Tyler Clementi. Sweet, sensitive, creative Tyler was secretly webcammed by his roommate while being intimate with another man. When the online world learned of this incident, the ridicule and cyberbullying ignited. A few days later, Tyler jumped from the George Washington Bridge to his death. He was 18.

My mom was beside herself about what happened to Tyler and his family, and she was gutted with painin a way that I just couldn't quite understand, and then eventually I realized she was reliving 1998, reliving a time when she sat by my bed every night, reliving a time when she made me shower with the bathroom door open, and reliving a time when both of my parents feared that I would be humiliated to death,literally.

Today, too many parents haven't had the chance to step in and rescue their loved ones. Too many have learned of their child's suffering and humiliation after it was too late. Tyler's tragic, senseless death was a turning point for me. It served to recontextualize my experiences, and I then began to look at the world of humiliation and bullying around me and see something different. In 1998, we had no way of knowing where this brave new technology called the Internet would take us. Since then, it has connected people in unimaginable ways, joining lost siblings, saving lives, launching revolutions, but the darkness, cyberbullying, and slut-shaming that I experienced had mushroomed. Every day online, people, especially young people who are not developmentally equipped to handle this, are so abused and humiliated that they can't imagine living to the next day, and some, tragically, don't, and there's nothing virtual about that. ChildLine, a U.K. nonprofit that's focused on helping young people on various issues,released a staggering statistic late last year: From 2012 to 2013, there was an 87 percent increase in calls and emails related to cyberbullying. A meta-analysis done out of the Netherlands showed that for the first time, cyberbullying was leading to suicidal ideations more significantly than offline bullying. And you know what shocked me, although it shouldn't have, was other research last year that determined humiliation was a more intensely felt emotion than either happiness or even anger.

Cruelty to others is nothing new, but online, technologically enhanced shaming is amplified, uncontained, and permanently accessible. The echo of embarrassment used to extend only as far as your family, village, school or community, but now it's the online community too. Millions of people, often anonymously, can stab you with their words, and that's a lot of pain, and there are no perimeters around how many people can publicly observe you and put you in a public stockade. There is a very personal price to public humiliation, and the growth of the Internet has jacked up that price.

For nearly two decades now, we have slowly been sowing the seeds of shame and public humiliation in our cultural soil, both on- and offline. Gossip websites, paparazzi, reality programming, politics, news outlets and sometimes hackers all traffic in shame. It's led to desensitization and a permissive environment online which lends itself to trolling, invasion of privacy, and cyberbullying. This shift has created what Professor Nicolaus Mills calls a culture of humiliation. Consider a few prominent examples just from the past six months alone. Snapchat, the service which is used mainly by younger generationsand claims that its messages only have the lifespan of a few seconds. You can imagine the range of content that that gets. A third-party app which Snapchatters use to preserve the lifespan of the messages was hacked, and 100,000 personal conversations, photos, and videos were leaked online to now have a lifespan of forever. Jennifer Lawrence and several other actors had their iCloud accounts hacked, and private, intimate, nude photos were plastered across the Internet without their permission.One gossip website had over five million hits for this one story. And what about the Sony Pictures cyberhacking? The documents which received the most attention were private emails that had maximum public embarrassment

But in this culture of humiliation, there is another kind of price tag attached to public shaming. The price does not measure the cost to the victim, which Tyler and too many others, notably women, minorities,and members of the LGBTQ community have paid, but the price measures the profit of those who prey on them. This invasion of others is a raw material, efficiently and ruthlessly mined, packaged and sold at a profit. A marketplace has emerged where public humiliation is a commodity and shame is an industry.How is the money made? Clicks. The more shame, the more clicks. The more clicks, the more advertising dollars. We're in a dangerous cycle. The more we click on this kind of gossip, the more numb we get to the human lives behind it, and the more numb we get, the more we click. All the while, someone is making money off of the back of someone else's suffering. With every click, we make a choice. The more we saturate our culture with public shaming, the more accepted it is, the more we will see behavior like cyberbullying, trolling, some forms of hacking, and online harassment. Why? Because they all have humiliation at their cores. This behavior is a symptom of the culture we've created. Just think about it.

Changing behavior begins with evolving beliefs. We've seen that to be true with racism, homophobia, and plenty of other biases, today and in the past. As we've changed beliefs about same-sex marriage, more people have been offered equal freedoms. When we began valuing sustainability, more people began to recycle. So as far as our culture of humiliation goes, what we need is a cultural revolution. Public shaming as a blood sport has to stop, and it's time for an intervention on the Internet and in our culture.

The shift begins with something simple, but it's not easy. We need to return to a long-held value of compassion -- compassion and empathy. Online, we've got a compassion deficit, an empathy crisis.

Researcher Brené Brown said, and I quote, "Shame can't survive empathy." Shame cannot survive empathy. I've seen some very dark days in my life, and it was the compassion and empathy from my family, friends, professionals, and sometimes even strangers that saved me. Even empathy from one person can make a difference. The theory of minority influence, proposed by social psychologist Serge Moscovici, says that even in small numbers, when there's consistency over time, change can happen. In the online world, we can foster minority influence by becoming upstanders. To become an upstander means instead of bystander apathy, we can post a positive comment for someone or report a bullying situation. Trust me, compassionate comments help abate the negativity. We can also counteract the culture by supporting organizations that deal with these kinds of issues, like the Tyler Clementi Foundation in the U.S., In the U.K., there's Anti-Bullying Pro, and in Australia, there's Project Rockit.

We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression. We all want to be heard, but let's acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention. The Internet is the superhighway for the id, but online, showing empathy to others benefits us all and helps create a safer and better world. We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion, and click with compassion. Just imagine walking a mile in someone else's headline. I'd like to end on a personal note. In the past nine months, the question I've been asked the most is why. Why now? Why was I sticking my head above the parapet? You can read between the lines in those questions, and the answer has nothing to do with politics.

The top note answer was and is because it's time: time to stop tip-toeing around my past; time to stop living a life of opprobrium; and time to take back my narrative. It's also not just about saving myself. Anyone who is suffering from shame and public humiliation needs to know one thing: You can survive it. I know it's hard. It may not be painless, quick or easy, but you can insist on a different ending to your story. Have compassion for yourself. We all deserve compassion, and to live both online and off in a more compassionate world.

Thank you for listening.